the wellness community

By Evette and Mark

Within a just few weeks, she underwent a lumpectomy followed by a battery of tests, doctor appointments and scans, and a subsequent double mastectomy, followed up with several months of chemotherapy. “When I was diagnosed, my biggest fear was whether or not I would be there for my children,” says Evette. Mark and Evette also struggled with how they were going to tell their children, ages six and eight at the time. “They knew Mommy was sick, but they didn’t understand the extent,” says Evette. “Kids’ thoughts can go to weird and very imaginative places when things like this happen – ‘Did you get cancer because I did something wrong?’ ‘Can I catch cancer from Mommy?’ They grasp for explanations and have many of their own concerns.”

Mark and Evette knew they needed someone to talk to, so when a friend recommended The Wellness Community Valley/Ventura (TWC V/V), they decided to try it. “I walked in three days after my diagnosis,” says Evette. ”I knew I needed answers, but I wanted them to come from someone who could relate to my experience.” Evette joined a support group for people with cancer, and Mark, feeling the same way, joined a group for family members. Both groups are led by trained psychotherapists. And, thanks to the Kids Circle, a support group for children with a parent or grandparent with cancer, the children had their own place to go as well. “We made sure to get their permission first,” says Evette. “We asked our kids: ‘would you like to spend some time with kids just like you, who have a mommy or daddy who is sick with cancer?’” The children were open to it, and ended up attending for over a year, during which they became close friends with other children in the group and learned to cope with the anxiety and uncertainty that a cancer diagnosis can bring to a family. “My children learned to open up and talk about things with each other, with other participants, and with the adults in our family in ways I didn’t learn until much later in life,” says Mark. Like most groups at TWC V/V, Kids Circle is led by psychotherapists trained to work with people affected by cancer. Peggy Johnston, MFT, co-facilitator of the Westlake Village Kids Circle, explains an important part of her work: “We educate the children with terms that are appropriate for their age. Kids are very perceptive. They intentionally overhear phone conversations, notice how long their ill parent is sleeping, feel the anxiety of the family prior to tests and hospitalization. Learning about chemotherapy and radiation takes away the mystery, and when another child says, ‘Oh, my Mom had chemo,’ it ‘s not so scary.”

Now that she is through with chemotherapy and has completed four of her five scheduled reconstructive surgeries, Evette is excited about moving forward with her plan to open her fitness/pilates studio where other breast cancer survivors can achieve restoration and rehabilitation. “I feel strongly about making a connection with other women in my position, who are feeling the aftermath of all their cancer treatment,” she says. “When I got my diagnosis, cancer put a screeching halt on my plans. I believe this was a sign for something bigger ahead, that I need to use both my professional and now personal experience as a survivor to help others who have been impacted by this journey.”

Meanwhile, the children are doing well and are excited to start school in the fall. Although they are taking a break from Kids Circle to attend various after-school activities, they know they're welcome back any time. And Evette’s daughter has left her mark at The Wellness Community -- when Kids Circle held a design contest last year to celebrate the groundbreaking of TWC V/V’s Garden of Hope, her design was the winner, and was printed on t-shirts to commemorate the event. The design is a colorful flower, with words in each petal that describe what Kids Circle means to her: Love, Harmony, Family, Knowledge, Guidance, and Friendship.

The Wellness Community Valley/Ventura provides Kids Circle at three locations, in Westlake Village, Ventura, and a bilingual group in Winnetka. To donate $5 to programs for children affected by cancer, text COMMUNITY to 90999.  (For full terms, visit www.mgive.com/a.)